yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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