Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
