Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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