I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
did you just send me my own nude
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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