my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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