batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
