just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
