I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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