Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
