Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
