Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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