Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
