i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
