Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
false alarm. still invincible.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
