Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
