So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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