I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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