its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think your dad took our porno
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
