Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
