Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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