He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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