Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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