Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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