Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If that was your dad, he is hot
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
