so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
