Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
