Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
