ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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