this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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