Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
