she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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