Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
