You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
