Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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