We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You pole danced in your parka.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
