I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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