Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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