Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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