I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
