it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
