She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
