she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
