shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
