what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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