hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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