I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We have started to decorate penises.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
