She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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