Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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