Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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