At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How does it feel to date your dad?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
