Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
