I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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