That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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