peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I came so hard my ears popped.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
