well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
