so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love having hate sex.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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