So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
