There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize