i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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