no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
