bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
