It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
