youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize