We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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