i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i barfeds in our rink
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
