Will you blow on my dice?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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