If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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