Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
