i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
